Flying on two wings

[attach]1182[/attach]Lesley Fairfield is finally free.

Free from the pain and torment she endured for 30 years at the hands of anorexia.

The Rosedale resident has been recovering from the eating disorder for 20 years, all the while trying to regain what she lost and put her life back on the right track.

On that journey, Fairfield, an accomplished illustrator, has written and illustrated Tyranny, a graphic novel for teens about eating disorders.

“As an illustrator, the image of Tyranny, a wiry figure, came to my mind when I was 22, and she’s been in there ever since just waiting to come out,” says Fairfield who is now 60.

The 120 page novel tells the story of Anna, a teen who is tormented by Tyranny, a ruthless and destructive figure, who takes over Anna’s life.

She begins to hate her body, stopping herself from eating and thinking she’s ugly and fat. Anna meets other teens like her, and through support and therapy, gets the help she needs.

Fairfield chose not to write a straightforward biography as she felt more comfortable mixing her own experiences with those of other women she met during her own battle.

“By creating a character other than myself, I was able to do it,” says Fairfield. “I just couldn’t write about me. Anorexia has its own characteristics … it just didn’t seem to be in character to write and draw about myself.”

It’s Fairfield’s hope that fewer young people follow her down the path of eating disorders.

It took doctors nine years to diagnose Fairfield with anorexia.

Already at age 11 she had an unhealthy relationship with food. At camp she would overeat, stuffing herself with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. By 17, she would starve herself.

When she was 21, she was hospitalized three times, including spending a period in a sanitarium when she was 20.

“Finishing university, getting married, having children … none of those things happened,” says Fairfield, who with the help of a therapist, overcame the disorder and the depression that came with it.

Then at 41, she joined an eating disorders clinic.

“Like Anna, I stated eating one day. And by the time I ate three meals in one day at the treatment centre, it had been 30 years since I did that,” she says.

The arts helped her too, acting as an outlet to her pain. While she dropped out of university during the height of her illness, she eventually enrolled in, and graduated from the Ontario College of Arts and Design becoming an illustrator for publishing companies.

At times, when Fairfield’s battle was particularly hard, she stopped working as an illustrator, but eventually always returned to it.

There now is light where darkness once was.

She met her husband at 49. They have made a life together in the past 11 years, as their sunny and colourful apartment a few steps from Rosedale Valley Road is proof.

She is very happy, Fairfield says.

Still somethings linger.

“I think if you have an eating disorder for that long it leaves a mark. I call it post traumatic stress disorder,” Fairfield says. “Just as I have been able to overcome my eating disorder, I can now manage my depression.”

Fairfield hopes Tyranny prevents stories like hers.

With it she wants people to realize that making yourself thin isn’t pretty.

It’s inside that counts, even if that saying is old and cliché, Fairfield says.

“Lots of things that could have happened didn’t because I was only flying on one wing,” Fairfield says.

Now, with the support of her husband, family and loved ones, Fairfield — and rightly so — is flying on two.