Time to talk to your kids about sex

[attach]3004[/attach]Whether it’s an accidental walk-in on “mommy and daddy time” or meeting a love interest for the first time, there’s always good reason to have the sex talk with your teen.

Let’s face it: By the time your child reaches adolescence, they know way more about the topic of sex than you’d expect.

But don’t worry, say some Toronto parents — it need not be an uncomfortable discussion.

Parent Lorraine Sampsone didn’t leave the onus solely on the school board to ensure her children were being educated about the birds and the bees, especially now that Premier Dalton McGuinty has scrapped Ontario’s controversial new sex education curriculum.

The Toronto mother of two makes sure her daughters, ages 12 and 16, are well informed about sex-related topics — from safe sex to sexually transmitted diseases to teen pregnancy.

She’s just not the one to tell them.

“I pass this one onto my husband,” Sampsone says chuckling. “I’ll sit them down and talk to them about everything but that. Not because it’s uncomfortable for me but because it’s just so much more fun if he does.”

Sampsone said her eldest learned about the male and female anatomy, the reproductive system and the process of a woman becoming pregnant in her grade 8 classroom. Sampsone and her husband chose that same year to have the talk with her.

“Kids these days are under more pressure than ever,” she said. “They’re being forced to make sexual decisions as early as middle school, so we need to start these conversations … and early”.

But it’s not always a matter of when to talk to your teens. It’s also a matter of what to say.

Catherine Connors, creator of The Bad Moms Club — a mommy blogging site — said the sex talk should go beyond the basics of safe sex and teen pregnancy.

“I plan on talking to my kids about sexual violence and sexual exploitation,” said the mother of two. “For some parents it’s difficult (talking to their kids about sex), but I think they should do their best no matter how uncomfortable it is.”

Sampsone on the other hand, says there are some subjects she will reserve for a later discussion when the girls are older.

“You don’t want to reveal too much too soon,” she said. “Not even because it’s a sensitive topic but they may not even understand … whereas when they’re older, like maybe 17, 18, 19 they’ll absorb and comprehend better the issue at hand.”

Connors said the sex discussion will pave the way to other things.

“If kids have exposure to these kinds of topics, it’ll lay the groundwork for healthy communication.”

Though they seemed surprised at first, Sampsone said her girls had a positive reaction to “the talk”.

“Who knows — they might even thank you later on down the road.” Sampsone said. “Because I’m sure there are … many parents that don’t talk to their kids about this, and they should.”

[attach]3005[/attach]Tips for parents of young children:

* Accept the task of being the first sex educator of your children.

* Find out about childhood sexuality in the same way you would about discipline or toilet training. (You do not have to be the world’s expert.)

o There are books available in the library and bookstores.
o Check out what videos are available too.
o Talk with other parents.
o Daycares and schools can schedule and evening to discuss this subject.
* If you can, use real words rather than baby words for genitals. This makes them just like other parts of the human body. It gives the message that there is nothing shameful about the genitals. This is also a safety measure; it gives the child clear language if they need to describe an event or a concern.

* Be open to questions. Welcome children’s questions even if you cannot answer them at the time.

* If a child doesn’t ask, don’t wait forever. You can start the conversation by saying, “When I was young, I used to wonder about …” then tell your child what used to puzzle you.

* Look for teachable moments, like when you run into your visibly pregnant neighbour.

* Find out what they already know before you start answering a child’s question. Then, answer their question in a respectful, non-judgmental way – especially if you want them to ask again.

* Try not to overreact to what is considered normal sexual curiosity or play.

* It’s okay to let your children know how you feel about things. Share your values with them in a respectful way.

You are not alone in wanting to make sure your children grow up to become sexually healthy adults. There are many books available for both you and your children. Talk with other parents.

Source for Tips for parents: Toronto Public Health